Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
