we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
