HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
