I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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