I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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