good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
