dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
