as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
