lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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