I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
