Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
