Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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