a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
