i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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