just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
