I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
