then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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