All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
