I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
