Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
