We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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