There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
