so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
