ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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