totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
