well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
