The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
