you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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