What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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