hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
