Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
