I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
