just come out here and I will go home with you...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
