About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
