But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
