That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
