this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
