God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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