Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
