My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
