yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
