i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are the jesus of drinking
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
