Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
smell my finger.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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