careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
