I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Come on in and take your pants off
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