I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
