I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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