I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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