how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
PANTIES FOUND
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
