i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
