So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
