dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
