i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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