3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't notice because vodka
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
