I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
