we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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