I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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